A glimpse at autism

Tonight I had one of those moments where you briefly see your child through someone else's eyes.  Most days I feel like Alec is only "a little bit autistic".  In most social situations, with my control and guidance, I think others can't tell he's autistic (maybe I'm delusional).  But today, when I saw him, he seemed "very autistic"

We went to church tonight and before I dropped him off in his kids class I reminded him not to "play in his head".  This is the term we've come up with for an activity he enjoys unlike any other.  He usually becomes very obsessed with a tv show and watches it over & over.  When he's not watching the show, he's acting it out in his head.  To an outsider it looks like he's doing some strange body movements & mumbling to himself. I know what he's doing...he's reliving his favorite scenes.  He loves it so much & will laugh at all the funny parts in his reenactment.  I keep talking to him about things that are appropriate to do at home and things that are inappropriate to do in public.  I explain to him that I want his mind to be focusing on the things going on around him, being in the moment, when he's out in public.  I know he understands me, but I think that at times he can't control it.

Tonight, as my husband and I peeked into his church classroom, we saw him spinning in circles, making strange jerking movements and laughing to himself, while the other kids were playing board games together.  Clearly, he was playing in his head!  That was my glimpse of him on his own without my reminders and guidance.  I know it's ok at this moment.  That's him right now.  I love him, every bit of him, but I don't love the obstacles autism puts in his way.  I want him to find passion in other things he likes to do and that give him the same pleasure he gets from "playing in his head".